i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
