Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
