I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
