I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
