i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
this is an emotional support booty call
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
