Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I stole a fireplace last night.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
