I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
