SEEEEXXX PLEASE
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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