I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
