I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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