And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
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