we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
