sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
