my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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