i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
