New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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