I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
