Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize
