We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
