its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
