so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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