Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
