what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
