I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
