do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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