There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
