is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
And then my night got REAL pukey
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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