her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
