just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
