It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
