The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
