the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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