Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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