1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
