Barsexuality is the new black.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
sex in a hospital.. check
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
