No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
