I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
