Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
