lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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