chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
We have so much sex to catch up on
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
