How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
