my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
