i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
How's work?
Spinning.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I need a beard to bite.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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