You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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