genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
