i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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