Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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