too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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