Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I came so hard my ears popped.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
