I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
