the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Too much gin, very little bucket
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
