Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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