I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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