would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
