I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
