i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
