I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
