please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
