you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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