just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
