I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
