i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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