I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
