I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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