operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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