Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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