yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
