he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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