your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
