Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
