Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
