Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize