After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
