You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You ate ashes out of my bong
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
