I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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