I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
