just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
My friends, they love my intelligence
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
