I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize