How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
